So the word for today is: Novelesque. When I was a tween, I loved reading the Mormon romance novels about couples meeting in a single's ward at BYU, falling in love after some drama with an old girlfriend, and driving away for a honeymoon in a 1989 Civic. Ah, how that would be bliss.
Our relationship has only been a little like that, but I'm going to re-write it so it fits into that genre of novels...
The Escapade of Falling in Love, Will and Sara Harcourt
Will is tired of the same old routine. Sure, he likes tennis and photography, but the girls in his life just aren't the kind he wants to get to know better. His old girlfriend, Flaura, calls him up for Disney movie nights with popcorn every week, but Will knows the flame just isn't there anymore. Flaura's best friend, Jhosie, tells her she needs to get over him. Flaura doesn't listen and devises a secret plan to capture his heart forever.
After a sweaty afternoon of tennis one particularly sunny Wednesday, Will stops by the local soda fountain pharmacy. He slides into the round red seat in front of the counter and asks without looking up for a Shirley Temple on the rocks. He hears, "Do you want that with real lime juice? Higher Vitamin C content you know."
He looks up to see her...her back anyway. It was flat and proportional. This is definitely the girl! he thinks.
She turns around and sees his muscly arms and is actually afraid to hand him a normal glass for the Shirley Temple. He will crush it like a fly, if he's an insect assassin. She couldn't imagine that from his perfectly wonderful face though.
"So is it with or without the fresh lime juice? I should also probably add that the juice is a great source of phytochemicals."
Well Will couldn't pass that up! "Whatever you say miss. What are you studying at school anyway?"
"Oh, nutrition and health policy and graphic design. You?" Sara says.
Knowing he's a master of communication, Will responds, "Organizational Communication actually. But I'm working with the news station right now, BYU Cougs Go Global! Arise and Shine Forth, Stand Tall Forever, Never Fall Never Fail."
"That's a long radio station name," says Sara, "but I can already tell it's a going to be a success if you are part."
They fall in love in one day and decide to get engaged.
Meanwhile...Flaura is scheming. She tells Jhosie of her plan to bubblegum Will to a chair until he promises to take her to Homecoming, the biggest dance of the year. All she needs is an accomplice to get him to sit down on the chair... Jhosie says no. She asks Klauryn. Another no. Jmessica? Never! She finally finds an accomplice in her Freshmen kid brother, Jake the Blade. Little did she know that while she was planning with Jake, Jhosie, Klauryn and Jmessica are making plans of their own! Bwahahaha.
Jake the Blade calls Will up for a tennis match. Good thing he had recently spray-painted his racquet. The tennis court would be the spot of the crime...
Jake is waiting at the court when Will drives up between wedding planning parties Sara is hosting at his house. Will gets out and walks towards the court. Once he is within feet of the bench near the doubles alley, Flaura jumps out from behind a concrete wall in leopard-print thermal pajamas! She runs to the bench while chewing the biggest wad of bubble tape.
Little did she know that Jhosie, Klauryn, and Jmessica had also been hiding behind the concrete wall in purple sparkle jumpsuits. They run to meet Flaura before she can get the gum on Will's bum. Instead, they confuse Flaura with a shower of sequins near her eyes. Will turns around. There is no more chance at a bubble bum for Flaura. She is defeated. Her three friends say in unison, "Flaura we love you, but you can't be a lying cheat. We love Sara too."
Flaura agrees and dusts the sequins off. She wants to find a more archeological fellow anyway.
Will returns to Sara for the third wedding party of the day. He brings her the sequins he gathered at the tennis court to use on their wedding favors.
They get married and live happily ever after, forever and ever.
THE END
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ReplyDeleteFirstly, no one would get over me...I mean, Flaura, that fast. No matter how flat or proportional her back is. Is that really one of Will's favorite traits about you? Weird. Secondly, how is Flaura the lying cheat? Will shouldn't have been leading her on by letting her bring over popcorn and the best Disney movies she owns every week. What a rascal. I do like picturing him as an insect assassin, though. Well done on that bit.
ReplyDeleteI want the record to show, dear wedding readers, that even though Flaura is named after the Oldroyd's favorite faux-daughter (...me) Will and I have never had an anything...I don't date boys who drink Shirley Temple sodas -- with or without phytoplankton.
That being said, I can't wait for more installments of this series and I promise to read every one of them. Even if it makes me nauseous.